That’s Our Scott and Jean

A couple of days ago we came across an intriguing question posed online — “What’s your Scott and Jean?”

As part of a Mega-Blog Crossover Event, the crew over at Alert Nerd posed the above question to Geeks around the blogosphere. Here’s the basic rundown:

The Background: Such an awesome theme could only have been birthed on Twitter. Simply put, when someone says “that’s my Scott and Jean,” it essentially means “that’s my geek sacred cow.” It’s the issue/coupling/whatever that you pretty much can’t discuss because you are too passionate about it and it makes you too crazy. You might hear perfectly reasonable arguments against said coupling/issue/whatever, but you cannot process them. It’s like That One Thing. It could be something like “Scott Summers and Jean Grey are supposed to be together and that is just how it is.” Or maybe “the new Battlestar Galactica does not exist for me because it is not the old Battlestar Galactica.” Or “The only correct portrayals of Batman are the ones that contain X, Y, and Z.” You get the idea. It’s your nerd mental block. Throughout the day on Monday they will be updating the Master List as the entries go up – you can read what makes people crazy HERE- The Master List

Naturally, we Smugglers were foaming at the mouth when we read this scintillating description. Although we’re really not huge Scott and Jean fans (we far prefer Scott with Emma Frost to be fair, and it’s really ALL about Rogue and Gambit for the X-Men fangirls in us), we can appreciate this theme perfectly.

In fact, when we read this post, we immediately zeroed in on our shared Geek Mindblock — it is, after all, one of the things that brought us together in the first place.

So to answer this very serious question, our “Scott and Jean” is…

Jack Shephard. The Jacksus. The Chosen Leader. He Who Walks Among Us But Is Not One Of Us. Or, more accurately: The disgustingly hairy, snivelling, episode-hogging pansyass wunderdoktor from LOST.

You know that inky feeling of darkness, that HATE with the entirety of one’s soul for a certain something? (Thea: I have this feeling primairly for sports — especially any team from Boston, i.e. the Celtics and Patriots. And USC football. GO LAKERS! GO BRUINS!) (Ana: I ONLY have this feeling for Jack Shephard. And papayas. I freaking HATE papayas.)

Well, this is exactly how we feel about The Jacksus (Jack Shephard’s true name since, like Jesus, he is the Chosen One and can Do No Wrong). Maybe there are compelling arguments for Jack as a character or as a leader (Thea: If there are, I sure as hell haven’t seen them. *snorts* Good luck trying to make those arguments, Jack-fans) (Ana: I second that) . But honestly, NOTHING could change our opinion of him.

As we’ve mentioned many times before, we met on LOST forums, and really bonded over our shared love for Skate (that’s the Sawyer and Kate ship) — but the glue that really solidified our friendship was our shared loathing and mockage of Teh Jack. Over at our main forum haunt, we even created a Jackshrine; that is, a special subforum, dedicated solely to the Awesomeness that is Jack Shephard (Thea and Ana: *snorts*).

WARNING: If you are a Jack-fan you may want to avert your eyes NOW. Seriously, do not carry on if you love the guy. You may realise you have been living a lie all these years. You have been warned.

Perhaps we should be grateful to the Jacksus. After all, he has taught us so many things…

Things That We’ve Learned From Jack:

How People Respect and Listen To You Better If You Get Right Up In Their Face And Yell At Them:

How To Play Manly Sports By Incorporating Dance Moves:

How To Stalk People:

How To Look Sexy Even When You’ve Forgotten Your Deodorant:

How To Convince People You Are Sooo Not Creepy:

How To Wear Jewelry Effortlessly:

How To Ooze Sexy By Taking Your Shirt Off:

How To Look Seductive In Bed:

How To Make Friends Whilst Travelling:

How To Impersonate A Zombie:

How To Go Number 2:

How To Effectively Negotiate For Drugs:

How To Fight Like A Man:

How To Build A Kite:

How To Come Up With Perfect Plans In Times Of Trouble:

How To Cope With A Bad Hair Day:

How To Get Women To Go On A Date With You:

How To Blend In And Not Look Like A Tourist:

How To Make Women Feel Special:

Most Important Of All, Jack Has Taught Us…

How to Cry With Dignity (for absolutely ANY reason):

This little pictorial dedication isn’t all we have for the Jacksus! We also had taken to creating little things called JackFacts to celebrate his greatnes. They’re kind of like Chuck Norris facts only obviously cooler because Jack Shephard is…Jack Shephard.

Jack Shephard challenged God to a contest to see who could gain the most followers. Jack so far has conquered the West Coast of the United States, Australia, and is now working his way through the South Pacific, one soul at a time.

Jack Shephard doesn’t rip the sleeves off of his shirts. All sleeves disintigrate when they come into contact with his deadly python arms.

Scientists claim global warming is responsible for the melting of the Antarctic ice mass. They’re wrong. Jack Shephard simply took a dip in the South Pacific Ocean. Shirtless.

Jack Shephard doesn’t cry because he’s emotional. He cries because it just hurts that bad to be Jack Shepard.

Most people think Steven Spielberg’s inspiration for Jurassic Park was careful paleontological research. What most people fail to realize is that Spielberg just took a picture of Jack Shephard’s chest, and the movie created itself.

Jack Shephard didn’t fly to Thailand. He swam from Chicago. In 4 hours.

Jack Shephard’s tears are not real. He cries just to fool everyone. His tears are manufactured at the same place where they make the Strawberry flavour for Mcdonalds milkshakes.

Jack Shephard likes toothpicks in his sandwiches because he uses them later to break into banks, steal cars, perform surgery, comb his chest hair and pleasure women.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. Jack Shephard came first, everything else came after.

If a tree fall in the forrest and no one is around does it make a sound? Yes, but only Jack can hear it.

Jack Shephard invented air. He dares you to disprove it.

The button had nothing to do with electromagnetism. It had to be pushed every 108 minutes in order to safely release the buildup of Jack’s animalistic sexiness.

Jack’s hands have saved more people than pennicillin.

Jack knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Toostie Pop.

Jack’s tears may or may not have caused The Flood in the Bible.

When Jack goes Directly To Jail, he DOES pass Go and he DOES collect 200 dollars.

Next time you see Jack crying, try and collect some of his tears. Pound for pound, they’re worth more than gold.

When Jack made that ‘small incision in Bens kidney sack’, he didn’t use a scalpal, he used his mind.

If Jack Shephard shouts at you, you automatically become preganant. Even if you’re male.

In season one of LOST Jack decided that things were getting a little boring so he built the islands hatches over night. With a toothpick.

Christian Shephard started drinking when his son Jack was born – weighing 36lbs, breathing fire and covered in dense, black hair.

A human body consists of approximately 60% water. Jack Shephard consists of 100% sexiness.

Every time Jack Shephard cries, somewhere a new baby is born. Every time he screams, yet another person has developed lung cancer from second hand smoke.

Jack Shephard does not need human interaction, food or water in order to survive. This is because his chest hair is actually a miniature self-sustaining ecosystem.

Jack Shephard does not need female attention for any purpose. He can pleasure himself by stroking his mane of chest hair, and is completely capable of asexual reproduction.

You know that statue on the island of the leg with 4 toes? Jack built it using a large sandbucket, a spade and of course, a toothpick. It took him twenty minutes.

When Jack Shephard plays football, the endzone is just the beginning.

Jack Shephard’s semen is 100% antibacterial. This is the reason no one has died from infection on the island. Every night he mixes a little bit of it in the water supply.

Jack Shephard has the greased lightening reflexes of a mongoose and the feather-light touch of purest cashmere. These skills have allowed him to sleep with everyone on the island, undetected.

The mystery of Sun’s baby-daddy will be revealed when she gives birth to a 25 pound, magical talking baby gorilla. Jack Shephard will immediately decapitate his illegitimate son while crying out to the heavens, “THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!”

Jack Shepard is powering all the electricity in the Otherville with his raw sexual magnetism. A single pelvic thrust from Jack could power the entire earth for 18 years.

Jack Shephard is the real Man from Tallahassee. He was able to father Locke, screw Sawyer’s mom, and embezzle millions of dollars. From the womb.

Jack Shephard has been the inspiration for many master works throughout the ages. It is rumored that Jack was Homer’s model for Achilles in The Illiad, the wind beneath all our wings to Bette Midler, and it is rumored that Stephen Hawking’s A Brief History of Time is loosely based on Jack’s childhood encounters.

Can you catch a shooting star? Can you tame a wild stallion? NO! Such is Jack Shepard.

Jack Shepard and his father once played a game of golf. Christian made it round in 80, Jack made it round in -14.

A poll made recently revealed that 93% of children (boys and girls) want to become Jack Shepard when they are a grown up, dethroning astronaut and princess.

Jack Shephard took a vow of celibacy upon learning that sperm counts were 5 times higher on the island. Thus saving the island residents from the inevitable tsunami that would occur should he ever reach completion.

Had enough yet? One last gift to you, dear friends. Allow us to present you with the most precious gift of all…

The JackFace
(Play this as a drinking game the next time you watch an episode of LOST. Any time you see Jack pull a JackFace, chug a beer. Merry Christmas.)

Mostly we really just hate that out all of the wonderful, flawed, beautifuly written characters in Lost (such as Locke, Desmond, Sawyer, Sayid,etc) it is Jack Shephard that the writers shove down our throats as the real Hero of the show.

So, there you have it: our Scott and Jean. That ONE subject that makes us go batshit insane. Now you know the full extent of our geekiness and our obsessive passion for Lost.

What about YOU: what is your Scott and Jean, your Geek Sacred Cow, the geeky thing that you are most passionate about?

Disclaimer: The Jack Shrine, JackFacts and JackFaces are collective creations of our wonderful, creative friends at That Place (of which Thea and Ana are contributors). You know who you are: we love you, dudes.


  • AnimeJune
    March 30, 2009 at 5:09 am

    I have two Scott and Jeans, one old, one new. My older Scott and Jean is my adoration of Sylar and Peter on “Heroes.” I’ve kept watching that show for them, even though season 2 and the first half of season 3 were acid-trip-crazy. Sylar’s always been a fan favourite for going from unrepentantly evil to “maybe I’m good” back to hilariously evil and still being fun to watch, but my loyalty to Peter, the show’s consistent White Hat, has been pretty tested over the last season or so since the writers wrote themselves into a corner by giving him EVERY POWER IN THE WORLD, and had then had to make him hilariously gullible and doltish to explain why he couldn’t just solve every problem immediately. But I DON’T CARE. He’s pretty! And with all the character-180s of the show, as silly as Peter’s been, he’s always been the consistently moral person of the group and that’s why I love him.

    My new Scott and Jean is Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse. I don’t CARE what the ratings say – I don’t CARE what the early reviewer say, Dollhouse is teh awesome. I will listen to no naysayers who say they don’t care that Dollhouse got good after episode 6 because Firefly was good right off the bat. I LIKED the episode where Eliza Dushku whacks a crazy pop singer over the head with a chair when she’s programmed to be her bodyguard. I LIKED the episode where everyone at Dollhouse HQ accidentally gets high off of a new superdrug and has to solve a murder while bouncing on trampolines and eating inappropriate starches. It’s WHEDON, mofos!

  • Karen Mahoney
    March 30, 2009 at 5:15 am

    My friends, you ARE totally and utterly batshit insane… But I LOVE IT!! 😉



    Also, I was right. *ninja*

    *gang sign with a double back flip*

  • Ana
    March 30, 2009 at 5:36 am

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AnimeJune , your comment makes me all giddy. 8)

    I quit Heroes this season. I have to agree that Sylar and Peter were my two favourites and the characters that carried the show last season. But the writing is so freaking horrible and all the back and forths were driving me NUTS. Sylar was pure fun to watch, I agree – even the whole “I’m evil. No wait a minute, I’m good, hey I am evil again” charade. But Peter, man what have they done? Dear Partner and I used to scream at the TV: hey you stupid, you have all the powers in the freaking world, why don’t you use them? I think Future Peter is prettier than Present Peter though.

    As for Dollhouse. Are you saying I need to try and catch up? *g* I watched the first episode and could hardly believe it was a Whedon show. It hurt me but I didn’t carry on. So it does get better? And Firefly WAS good from the first SECOND. So yeah, I get how people can be a bit disappointed. Myself included. :mrgreen:

    Karen, did we scare you? 😈

  • My Scott and Jean: The Master List | alert nerd.
    March 30, 2009 at 5:40 am

    […] Alert Nerd: Our Scott and Jeans Phoning It In: “Trust Me!” Geeked: My Scott and Jean The Book Smugglers: That’s Our Scott and Jean […]

  • azteclady
    March 30, 2009 at 8:29 am

    Oh dear me! 😆 Yeah, I sorta had a suspicion this would be your common peeve. And hey, you are by no means alone–take a gander here (and while there, take a look around, there are other threads just like that 😀 )

  • Kristina
    March 30, 2009 at 8:31 am

    Wow, you two, I don’t even know where to start. I <3 your Scott and Jean. I’m still laughing and I actually haven’t even finished my first cup of coffee–a minor miracle, let me tell you. This is beautiful. I don’t like Jack very much, for a lot of the reasons listed, but my dislike is a mild version of your hatred. This is a beautifully composed Scott and Jean–the Jack faces picture references! ‘How To Cry With Dignity’, ‘How To Effectively Negotiate For Drugs’ and ‘How To Fight Like A Man’ are my favorites–and all of it had me laughing and going, ‘Yes, yes, that’s so RIGHT.’ Jack is exhausting–he’s that whiner ex-boyfriend that takes forever to get rid of after the break-up.

    ‘Mostly we really just hate that out all of the wonderful, flawed, beautifully written characters in Lost (such as Locke, Desmond, Sawyer, Sayid,etc) it is Jack Shephard that the writers shove down our throats as the real Hero of the show.’


    Great job! (And nice to meet you)

  • Ana
    March 30, 2009 at 8:38 am

    AL – are you a member of the forum? Do I know you from somewhere else? *ninja* I know some of the people that posted there and I used to be pretty regular at Lost-Forum. Some of the parodies were done by yours truly. 😀

  • Ana
    March 30, 2009 at 8:40 am

    Kristina: welcome and and nice to meet you too! I loved your Spike post.

  • Kate
    March 30, 2009 at 8:42 am

    Oh my god, you guys are cracking me up. I haven’t even watched Lost since the first season, and you’re killing me. I’m trying so hard not to laugh out loud at work right now. Geez.

    The only Scott and Jean in my life that I can think of – in terms of TV – is that I don’t care how cute he is, I don’t care what he’s done to redeem himself, I don’t care that he’s devoted so much time to poor clinics in Africa, I don’t care that apparently he needs a new kidney or whatever the hell is going on with him, I am still. so. mad. at Carter for leaving Abby and taking up with that French woman on ER. I mean, this is years and years old. I stopped watching the show for I think four years because I was so pissed at Carter. This is revealing geekdom from way back, but I still am so righteously angry at Carter that it drives me nuts to see him back on the show. (Conversely, sadly, I really love Noah Wyle.)

  • azteclady
    March 30, 2009 at 10:44 am

    I dunno, you may know me from there, Ana, I have belonged to lost-forum from the premiere onwards. I did take a hiatus for the summer after the great ezSucks hack of May 2005, but got back to the fold right after the move to vBulletin so…

    (Same handle everywhere, by the way)

  • Jeff
    March 30, 2009 at 10:58 am

    YES. YES. YES.


    Like you both, I love Lost, but HATE Jack. With a passion. The martyr complex, the paranoia, the surety that he is the only thing between the survivors and certain death (which is even better when you factor in his zeal to leave the island without them). His daddy issues. His substance abuse. But most of all, the Jackface. My hate for Jack is like candy, and you’ve given me a massive sugar rush.


  • Ana
    March 30, 2009 at 11:54 am

    Kate – Carter? I used to love ER and he was one of my favorites but I think I quit way before that story arc. 😯

    AL – I don’t remember you. I was an active member of Lost-Forum from season 2 to about end of season 3, then I moved to another place. I was known as geminicrickett…. 😀

    Jeff – welcome! “My hate for Jack is like candy, and you’ve given me a massive sugar rush. ” :mrgreen:

  • KMont
    March 30, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    I kept picking out JackFacts that I liked to put in my comment. To prove how utterly awe-tastic I found them. I’d have eventually just had to paste the entire list in tho.

    I don’t even watch Lost and I love this post. I think yall just made my really sucky Monday!

    Question: if Jack were to die on the show, would you both be happy? Or would you miss the fella and all his awesomeness? No one to go bat shit over after all. 8)

  • Bridget Locke
    March 30, 2009 at 12:12 pm

    Hmm…what on earth would be mine? Oh…I know!

    Geeking out about a show, that would be me & ALIAS. I’m still pissed at the finale and wish with all my being that the season w/ whatsherface had never existed. Oh, Lauren! Ack, ack, ack!

    I watched every single episode religiously and my biggest fangirl moment was when one of my BFFs bought me all 5 seasons as a combo birthday/Christmas gift.

    I think it sucks that Jennifer Garner and Michael Vartan dated and broke up in real life during the show b/c it completely ruined their dynamic afterwards. *sigh*

    I could talk about this show for hours, but don’t know anyone else who watched it like I did. Oh and when Quentin Tarantino guested for 2 eps? They were crazy!

    *ahem* I’m done now…I think. 😀

  • Danielle
    March 30, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    Lol. JackFacts.

    Mine would be…either the first, like, four episodes of Dollhouse, Fringe, or the Biggest Loser. They lose half a pound and cry for twenty minutes. Please.

  • Sarah
    March 30, 2009 at 1:06 pm

    OMG, you guys, this is HILARIOUS. I was waiting and waiting for you to get to the mancrying and then when you did, it was like magic. I have oft thought that this Jack needs a few lessons in mancrying from Captain Jack Harkness, who sniffles beatifically and looks uber-hot while doing so. Great post and thanks for participating 🙂

  • Maered
    March 30, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    My Scott and Jean is book related (does that count?) and it’s Harry and Hermione. Yes, I am one of those “delusional” shippers but I don’t regret it one bit, despite being called crazy by JK Rowling. 🙄 Anyway, Ron and Hermione didn’t hit it for me and don’t get me started on Harry and Ginny. *shudders*

    For me, the highlight of the HP books was Harry and Hermione’s friendship. I can’t bring myself to reread HBP and DH. *sigh* 😥

  • willaful
    March 30, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    I guess mine is being an insane Spuffy shipper. I’ve even had dreams about them. Wonderful, wonderful dreams…

    That was utterly hysterical, btw. I wasn’t a Jack hater before, but you may have converted me. 🙂

  • Kate
    March 30, 2009 at 3:05 pm

    Ana – sadly, I was addicted to ER in college and then at varying times I’ve had to give it up, the first time because I was so. mad. at. Carter. that I couldn’t watch it, and again last season (two seasons ago?) I was so mad at Abby for trying to wreck her own life that I couldn’t bear to watch it. Seriously, I just started watching it again a couple of weeks ago. Although the addition of John Stamos was brilliant to me. What can I say, I’m a child of the 80s.

  • The Discriminating Fangirl
    March 30, 2009 at 5:48 pm

    I’ll have you two know that I was snorting with laughter in the computer lab earlier when I was reading this.

  • orannia
    March 30, 2009 at 11:40 pm


    I don’t watch Lost..or Heroes…and my Scoot & Jeans are all weird couples *ducks behind the couch* If we’re talking ER I like Ray & Neela…and in Alias I was always a huge Sark fan…

    ..and no, I don’t understand my brain either 🙂

  • Kate
    March 31, 2009 at 10:57 am

    Orannia! Maybe you can explain to me where the hell Neela is and how Ray came back from the dead. When last I saw him, hadn’t he been just hit by a truck or something??? Two years ago?????

  • Adri
    April 4, 2009 at 6:36 am

    Hmmm… my Scott and Jean… well, I have a few, to be honest. The biggie would have to be Boomer and the Chief from Battlestar Galactica. I don’t CARE how that ended up, they were The Bomb.
    The other big one would likely be Sophie, Ben, and Brother Justin from Carnivale. So much unfinished business, so much need for a movie to answer my burning questions.

  • Adri
    April 4, 2009 at 6:38 am

    @ Kate: Ray WAS hit by that truck but didn’t die. He lost both legs in that accident and if I recall correctly, went home to live with his mom or something.

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    August 22, 2009 at 10:16 pm

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  • Cindy
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    Jack was neither a hero nor a savior. All that which took place was in Jack’s limbo’d mind, as he was dead along with all the other crew and passengers. He refused to believe it, wasn’t a believer, and this is why you hate his character so much. He simply didn’t want to be dead, fought against it, was lost, but in the end he became a believer and was found. All that which took place happened perhaps in a milli-second. Jack needed to be saved. You are absolutely correct in all of Jack’s character flaws, but he was never the savior, nor was he the chosen one. He was a lost soul, desperate to be alive, a non-believer.
    Just because I disagree with you, doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your humor and cleverness. Great writing and fun to read! Just thought I would share why I believe the writers knew exactly what they were doing.

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    Oh my god, you guys are cracking me up. I haven’t even watched Lost since the first season, and you’re killing me. I’m trying so hard not to laugh out loud at work right now. Geez.

    The only Scott and Jean in my life that I can think of – in terms of TV – is that I don’t care how cute he is, I don’t care what he’s done to redeem himself, I don’t care that he’s devoted so much time to poor clinics in Africa, I don’t care that apparently he needs a new kidney or whatever the hell is going on with him, I am still. so. mad. at Carter for leaving Abby and taking up with that French woman on ER. I mean, this is years and years old. I stopped watching the show for I think four years because I was so pissed at Carter. This is revealing geekdom from way back, but I still am so righteously angry at Carter that it drives me nuts to see him back on the show. (Conversely, sadly, I really love Noah Wyle.)

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